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Make More Money!

2011-03-21T10:42:00Z

The government is our employee; we pay it to do stuff (I use the word "stuff" and not "work" intentionally). It's broke, deep in debt, and it wants a raise. Here's an experiment. Tomorrow when you go to work, go to your boss and tell him/her you want a raise. When asked what you've done to deserve it, say that you spent a whole lot more than you were paid last year. Also explain that you will ask for a raise again next year, and maybe even some interim raises, because no matter how big a raise you get this year, you promise to spend a whole lot more than you're paid. Lemme know how that goes for ya. Post the response here.

PS - I know a lot of my friends don't have bosses. Some are the boss; some have just split from the whole freakin' program. If that's the case, just lemme know how you would to respond to an employee making this request.

Pay the government a tax and it will feed itself for a day. Teach the government to tax and it will starve you forever.

2011-03-19T13:15:24Z

There is an article in yesterdays Wall Street Journal about an organization called the Alliance for Main Street Fairness, which is putting pressure on politicians to enact laws that would require Amazon.com to collect sales tax in each state where it makes sales. Currently, Amazon is required, by a 1992 Supreme Court decision, to collect sales tax only in states where it has a physical presence. The alliance has primarily been mom & pop retailers who claim that online retailers have an unfair advantage because they aren’t legally required to collect sales tax from out of state buyers. (OK, this comment is not the point behind this particular brain fart but my response to them would be ‘no shit, get a website’.) So anyway, reading the article, guess who is now leading this mom & pop store charge. Wal-Mart. Sears. Target. Home Depot. Best Buy. Anybody recognize your mom or pop in this bunch? If you do you’re my new best friend.

So what’s really happening here? What’s happening here is the huge retailers see an opportunity to strike a blow at a major competitor by appealing to the greed of the Parliament of Whores (that would be congress), and the lesser Parliaments of Whores, (that would be state legislators). Publicly, the alliance says the appeal to lawmakers is because Amazon has an advantage because they don’t have to charge sales tax and (please read this next part in your most nasal whiney voice) ‘that’s unfair’. They want the playing field leveled, which is poli-speak borrowed from the affirmative action disaster that really means “please help us compete with someone who is kicking our ass fair and square”.

Unfortunately, the time is ripe for them to pull this off. State governments are in debt up to their eyeballs and are looking fore any way they can find to generate more revenue. Many of these elected twits are stupid enough, or greedy enough, to jump all over this (many already are) without thinking (I know – thinking politician – oxymoron. Indulge me) it through. They think if Amazon starts collecting taxes in their state, revenues increase. Good theory. How does it work in real life? Last week Illinois passed a law requiring the collection of taxes by of state internet retailers. The result? Amazon cut ties with over 9000 Illinois affiliate retailers resulting in a net REDUCTION of eighteen million dollars in income taxes paid to the state by those affiliates. Nine thousand people who were making money, now aren’t. Can you blame Amazon? Why would they want the headache and legal liability of collecting and paying taxes from affiliate sales? The Alliance and the Whores say Amazon is trying to avoid paying its fair share. What level of ignorance and stupidity can we reach? Amazon wouldn’t be paying shit and neither do any of the other retailers that are pushing this. They just collect the tax. You and I pay it. This is just another way for the Whores to reach into your pocket for more tax dollars. You see they need that money to make up the budget deficits they have. If a state is a 1.2 billion in the red, and they can collect an extra 500 million in taxes, they will only be 700 million in the hole. Except they won’t. If they collect an extra 500 million, they will spend an extra 900 million, and will end up 1.6 billion in the hole. It’s the nature of the beast. And you, Mr. and Ms. taxpayer, are going to pay more and get less.

We should all be screaming at our elected Whores to stop this sort of robbery. Tell them no. Find ways to spend less instead of looking for ways to collect more. It’s amazing how much we’re willing to take.

I'll think about it tomorrow.

2011-02-25T13:27:00Z

I was watching the network news this morning (God alone knows why). The coverage seemed (to me) a bit, well, screwed. So I used that back up button on the DVR to do a bit of research. Here's how news coverage in the first 30 minutes or so of the show went:

The revolution in Libya and the potential effect on oil production: 24 seconds.

The earthquake in New Zealand: 17 seconds

New anti government protests in Iraq: 22 seconds

The Egyptian revolution: 14 seconds

The Wisconsin budget dilemma: 16 seconds

The cancellation of the TV sitcom "2 1/2 Men" because it's star (Charlie Sheen) has apparently lost his freakin' mind: 12 minutes 14 seconds

Who will win an Oscar: 17 minutes and counting.

Now this isn't ET or anything, this is the morning news show on a national network (CBS).

Scarlett would love it.

OMG IAD! (Oh My God I'm A Dumbass!)

2011-01-21T16:57:00Z

A woman in Pennsylvania is walking through a mall texting on her cell while walking. In the mall is a 40 by 40 foot fountain. Around the fountain is a wall, probably 18 to 24 inches high. Oblivious to everything in the world except her cell phone, she walks into the wall and falls into the fountain. She gets up, apparently soaked but uninjured, and walks away. Two days later she is on the Today show with her lawyer to announce, you guessed it, that she is suing the mall. When asked why she is suing, her lawyer responded that they wanted to hold all those responsible accountable.

Are you shittin' me counselor? Look to your right. See the dumbass sitting next to you? The one with the soggy cell phone? There sits "all those responsible".

To take this beyond ludicrous, the woman works in the mall! She is there every day. She knows there's a fountain in the middle of it.

Now I'm not saying she's a dumbass for walking into the fountain; that could happen to anyone. I remember an incident many years ago, I was walking and reading a newspaper and didn't see one of those saw horses with the day glo orange and white stripes and the flashing yellow light marking a spot where some digging was going on. I walked right into it and went ass over tea kettle onto the ground. What did I do? Sue the construction company? Sue the saw horse manufacturing company? Sue USA Today? No, I rolled around on the ground a bit holding my shins and laughing my ass off at my own stupidity.

Have we lost the ability to laugh at ourselves or have we been conditioned to believe that every thing bad that happens to us is someone else's fault?

Adiós America

2010-12-23T09:55:00Z

Earlier this year I posted a blog entry titled "Press 1 for English". It was sparked by some comments I read by people annoyed that Spanish was encroaching on their worlds and they weren't happy about that. I opined that we would hear a lot more other than English because due to our laziness and political correctness we had let the American Dream slip away. I got quite a few emails from folks telling me I was nuts, foreigners would never take over, etc. I read an interesting article today that led to this post.

Let me preface this by asking you to consider how can we measure another cultures influence on our society? Money jumps to mind. They who control the largest pile of disposable income get the attention of big business. Could we all agree that the electronic opium called television is a good way to measure that? Marketers spend billions of dollars trying to capture the attention of that all important 18-34 year old demographic because that's where the money is. Advertisers pay a huge premium to reach this market. That's why the Neilson ratings are so important to TV shows. Those numbers tell who is watching what and let advertisers know who will be seeing their very expensive ads. With me so far?

OK - guess what show was tops in the ratings Tuesday night. NCIS: LA? Nope. The SNL Christmas special? Nope. Anything on the big 4 networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox)? Nope. It was Soy Tu Dueña on Univision. OK I said, it's just one night, gotta be a fluke. So I did some research. It turns out that Soy Tu Dueña is the number one rated regularly scheduled program across broadcast and cable television on Friday nights among all adults 18-34. Further, in September Univision became the most popular television network among American viewers aged 18-49.

Yo sabía que esto iba a suceder, pero no pensé que iba a suceder tan pronto. Mi español no es tan buena como me gustaría que fuera pero estoy trabajando en ello.

Press 1 for English

2010-01-20T13:28:00Z

I see a lot of traffic lately, online posts and those extraordinarily annoying forwarded emails, about immigrants assimilating to our "Great Melting Pot". The old Uncle Sam "I want you" poster with the new text "This finger wasn't made to press 1 for English". The latest, and the inspiration for this particular brain fart, a voice mail parody that says "Press 1 for English, Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English". The idea, I guess, being that if you're going to come to this country, you should learn the language. Just like when us white folks first came here we learned to speak Lakota, Sioux, etc. No - wait - that's right, we didn't. We didn't assimilate to their society, we forced ours on them. Since we kicked their asses, we could do whatever we wanted, we didn't have to assimilate. OK, fair enough. But guess what - nothings changed. The immigrants coming here today have no intention of assimilating. And they are kicking our asses. Instead of Winchesters, Gatling guns, and cannons they're using hard work, dedication, education, and passion. They're willing to work their asses off while the Native Americans (and I don't mean Indians, I mean people born here in the last 75 years but the irony is entertaining as hell isn't it?) get fat and bitch about everything while doing nothing about anything; the biggest concerns in their lives being who will be the next American Idol and when will the Parliment of Whores give them free health care. We're screwed folks. There is no fight left in the average American, the country having evolved into a nation of politically correct (at least in public) candy asses who believe they're entitled to have everything for nothing. I feel incredibly fortunate to have grown up in the most prosperous (decadently so) society ever created on earth. But that's over. We let it get away. We're too stupid to install our own printer so we call customer service which is in India and then bitch that the person on the other end's English sucks. Well, his English is better than your Hindi, and he can install a goddamn printer. Cogitate on that one for a while.

Jumpin Jack Flash is a gas gas gas

2009-10-24T00:11:00Z

Does anyone else meet these people or does God reserve them for me?

So I pull into the mini mart to get some gas. At the pump next to me is a guy whose tag says "72MPGOMG". Some sort of hybrid. The conversation goes something like this:

EcoNazi: (looking at my Corvette like it's something he scraped off his shoe) I get 72 miles per gallon.

Me: OK

EN: What do you get?

Me: Huh? I dunno, 12?

EN: Those things should be illegal.

Me: (Blinking). Speechless. Hoping he'll go away.

EN: (Clearly agitated) Do you know how big your carbon footprint is?

Me: I don't even know what my carbon footprint is. (Wondering why the pump is so damn slow.)

EN: (About to have some sort of neurological episode) You're destroying the planet!!!!

Me: (Fatigued) Yeah - I'm ok with that - I don't need it for much longer.

EN: You!? What about the future? I want to leave my kids a better place.

Me: You have kids? Somebody had sex with you?

EN: (Melting down) You are an ass!!!

Me: (Deciding that 7.213 gallons is really all I need for now) Yeah - I'm OK with that too. Have a nice day Skippy.

I drove off and heard him ranting something about Obama and hot tubs. I tried to make the connection for a while but nothing pretty was coming so I just let it go and put on some Bob Marley. Like I said I didn't get topped off, but I can go back tomorrow. I figure if he gets 72 MPG, how often can he be in the gas station?

The State of US

2009-08-30T09:33:00Z

I saw something in the paper last week that's been stuck in my head like an ear worm since I read it. Our local paper has a column in it called "Sound Off". You can call a number at the paper and leave a comment on their voice mail (actually I think it's an answering machine - remember those?) and they will print whatever message you leave in the paper. Some of the comments are funny, some worthwhile, some stupid, and some just plain scary. Here's the one that's been stuck in my head. I'm going to quote it so if I'm reading it wrong, point it out to me. Here it is:

"I think the government should do something about all the fire ants in North Carolina, there are way too many of them."

Read that a couple times. Why does this bug me so much (pun not intended)? We have created a segment of our society populated by folks who can do little or nothing for themselves. This drizzlewit wants the government to come kill his bugs. WTF!? How did we get this lame? An even more interesting question - how did we get anyone to believe the government could or should kill bugs? Think about it. Name me one, just one program that our government has managed efficiently. One. The VA? Sorry, no. The military? Please - the Pentagon is a monument to Murphy's Law. The IRS? (Just kidding guys haha!) No, at some point, every government agency seems to become a snake swallowing it's own tail.

So caller, what would the bug program look like? First, of course, the president would have to nominate a Bug Czar. Fox & CNN would report on his suitability for the position, and their diametrically opposed spin would make us wonder if they're talking about the same person. The Parliament of Whores, oops I mean congress, would debate the candidates suitability for the position, forming a committee to study it. They would eventually approve the candidate, however there would be a rider attached to his approval which allocated funds to finance the construction of a working artificial hemorrhoid in the committee chairman's home district. The Bug Czar will be paid a quarter million dollars a year, plus "expenses". Office space will be rented, staff will be hired. GS-9 positions will be created for Fire Ant Technicians (FATs). Forms will be printed, instantly obsolete computers installed. A website will be created to inform consumers of all the good work the Fire Ant Control Agency (FACA) is doing. Hooray - we're at the point where you can fill out some forms to request that your fire ants be exterminated. There will even be an electronic version that FACA will be able to lose almost instantly. Your request will be forwarded to the Regional Office for Fire Ant Control and Extermination (ROFACE) which will evaluate your request and send an entomologist to you house to determine if you truly have a fire ant problem. If it's determined that you do, a request will be sent to the EPA requesting an environmental impact study for the location. It may be determined that destroying your fire ants is environmentally unsound, which will activate one of the Fire Ant Relocation Teams (FARTs). If it's deemed safe to euthanize (we can't KILL the poor things) your fire ants, then, providing you have the appropriate permits from the Army Corps of Engineers, your benevolent government will send someone to your house to pour a can of Raid on the anthill. Unfortunately by now the fire ants have already eaten the dog you had chained in your yard and left it's bones to bleach in the sun. All this at a cost of only about $47,000 per ant.

Or, instead of investing in your future today by buying another lottery ticket, you could go to Lowes.

Justice

2009-08-14T14:45:00Z

Once again my Facebook friends are giving me a reason to think. Thank you all. I had made a comment this morning about Michael Vick and his deal with the football team that gave him a job (that's as much as I know about football). Basically I said he had his day in court. Within 30 minutes I had received 3 emails asking how I could condone what he did. So - right up front, let me tell you I despise his actions and yes I think there is a special place in hell (if hell exists - but that's a whole nuther blog entry) for people who torture animals. Everybody got that? Cool. You may now stop villifying me. Thank you very much.

Now - back to the comment and what it actually, emotionlessly, means. Mr. Vick was arrested for a crime. He plead guilty to that crime. The court accepted his plea and passed sentence. He surrendered to the U.S. Marshalls and served his sentence. Under our law, he has "paid his debt to society". Whether or not the punishment fits the crime is a subjective matter. Look at the whole of the consequences of his actions. He served time in prison. Beyond that, he lost his home and over a hundred million dollars in contracts. For comparison, let's look at another NFL player, Donte Stallworth. Mr. Stallworth spent a night partying in a bar, got behind the wheel of his BMW with his BAC one and a half times the legal limit. Speeding down a Miami street, he struck a man coming home from work, killing him. For killing a human, he received 27 days in jail, a fine, and community service. The NFL susended him for the 2009 season. He'll be back next year. Why is there no uproar about him playing ball?

In reality, there is no such thing as good and bad. Good and bad are labels each of us put on events to describe our feelings about that particular event. Take 9-11. To Americans - Bad - very bad. To the folks in the middle east you saw dancing and cheering about it on CNN - Good, very good. To us it's a bad thing, to them, it's a good thing. But the thing itself - it's just a thing.

I don't think the punishment fits the crime for either of these men. But it does fit our system of law. So I have a choice. I can try to change the law, or I can shut up and live with it. Since I have not lifted a finger to make a change, I don't believe I have any standing to bitch about the outcome.

Mondays

2009-07-27T13:05:00Z

I'm a very lucky guy. A number of my facebook friends made me think this morning by commenting on how they hate Mondays. One of the great things about entrepreneurship is that at some point you realize that you don't always know what day it is. If it's a day that I don't see clients or have students, I don't wear a watch. That means that a good bit of the time I don't know what day or what time it is. The cool thing is - I don't care. I wake up when I'm finished sleeping. I eat when I'm hungry. I sleep when I'm tired. My body takes on it's own rythm and it doesn't seem to correspond with the rising and setting of the sun. After years, decades actually, of being driven by clocks, calendars, phones, PDA's Crackberrys, and deadlines it's liberating to just live on my own schedule. How and why did I ever buy into the idea that 40 - 50 years of soul crushing work was the price that had to be paid for 10 - 20 years of "comfortable retirement"? I am truly, truly, blessed. I'm a couple months away from completing my 53rd trip around the sun. I have all that I want and more than I need. Way more actually. I still have stuff (or more accurately, the stuff has me) that I have to deal with, but I'm in the process of divesting myself of it and the hassles that go along with it. So, as good as it is, it gets better every day. It's not perfect - but it feels like I'm on the right track. Life is good.